


Changing Ocean Tides

by targaryen_melodrama



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Background Character Death, M/M, POV Sam Wilson, Reference to drunk driving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-28 20:14:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20972402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/targaryen_melodrama/pseuds/targaryen_melodrama
Summary: It was Bucky’s idea to meet here like this, despite the horrible timing, horrible weather, and horrible service, but he’d been annoyingly quiet as soon as they’d both muttered awkward greetings.Bucky looks down and Sam has to fight the urge to tilt his head up. They’re not like that, not in each other’s spaces anymore.





	Changing Ocean Tides

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'ed, feel free to point out typos, etc.

It’s the second time Bucky clears his throat, the third time he cracks his knuckles, and Sam is trying very, very hard to remain patient. It was Bucky’s idea to meet here like this, despite the horrible timing, horrible weather, and horrible service, but he’d been annoyingly quiet as soon as they’d both muttered awkward greetings.

Sam’s annoyed, and starts being actually frustrated when he realizes he’s been allowing this to go on for so long because it feels familiar. Almost...comforting. How many afternoons had he and Bucky spent watching the snow falling, under a warm blanket? How many evenings had they fallen asleep together on Sam’s couch, the wind whistling and moaning outside, and Sasha purring inside, laying at their feet?

“Two coffees and an apple pie,” the waitress says, pushing the pie towards Sam and setting the coffees down in the middle. “Can I get you anything else?” She manages to look at and through them all at once, and Sam decides not to bother her any further.

“No, we’re good. Thanks.”

She nods and turns away, speeding back to the kitchen.

“She forgot your glass of water.”

Sam looks at Bucky, hoping this means they’re finally starting this conversation Bucky begged him to have.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t feel like asking for a third time. So," Sam says after clearing his throat. "You said we should talk.”

Bucky looks down and Sam has to fight the urge to tilt his head up. They’re not like that, not in each other’s spaces anymore. They don’t talk or touch the same.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.”

_ Euphemism of the decade. _ Today’s the first time they spoke to each other since Bucky called to tell him一

“Don’t be sorry. We agreed it was for the best.”

“I’m not so sure that’s true anymore.”

“Excuse me?”

Like Sam’s incredulity activated his confidence, Bucky looks up, his eyes fixed on Sam’s.

“I don’t think breaking up was for the best.”

Sam laughs without meaning to. “You’re the one who brought it up. _ You _ said you couldn’t do long distance.”

“I was wrong. I was wrong and lonely and I missed you and I thought stopping altogether was the right thing to do, and Sam, I’m sorry一”

“How’s everything fellas?” At the sound of their waitress’ voice, Sam realizes he hasn’t even looked at the food since she put it down. He takes a sip of the coffee.

“Great,” he lies. “Thanks, uh, Anna.”

“Uh huh,” she throws over her shoulder as she walks over to the next table.

“Sam一”

“We’re not even out of our suits, Bucky.” Sam’s voice cracks, and he takes a few deep breaths. He’s cried enough tears today to not have to cry for a lifetime. “We’re not even out of our suits and you’re still lonely, and you missed me, and that’s why you’re saying all of this.”

Bucky shakes his head and grabs Sam’s hand. “I’m lonely, and I miss you, and today’s the worst fucking day of my life, but I’ve been feeling this way for weeks. Months. I never stopped loving you, Sam. I一I still do. I love you.”

Sam feels the tears coming, and doesn’t have the energy to hold them back anymore. He shakes his head, swallows to try to get rid of the lump in his throat.

“I won’t actually be back in the city for months.”

“I’ll wait.”

“Getting back together with your ex doesn’t actually work. I’ve tried it before and it doesn’t一”

“We’ll try. We’ll make it. I know we will.”

“Steve一Bucky, Steve一”

Bucky looks away from Sam for the first time in a few minutes, but Sam can still see his eyes tearing up.

“It’s the last conversation I had with him.”

“What?”

“Last week, just a few hours before the...before. I called him and told him I wanted to get back together with you. I know the timing is fucked, but he wants一he wanted this. He was happy for me. For us, even. And I was gonna do it, Sam, but then一”

But then someone decided to drive home wasted and ruin their lives. Yeah.

“Yeah.” Sam sighs, grabs Bucky’s prosthetic hand in his. “I missed you too.”

_ I still love you too_.

London’s been great, Sam’s classes have been everything’s he’s hoped for, his new friendships have been unexpected but amazing, and there hasn’t been a day he hasn’t thought about Bucky.

“I just...I just wanted to tell you," Bucky says. "And maybe you can think about it.”

“Okay.”

Bucky looks slightly surprised, but recovers quickly. “Okay,” he says, nodding. “Okay.”

They go back to being quiet, and it doesn’t feel as bad as it did earlier, when they first got here, but something’s missing.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you...can you come here? Next to me?”

Bucky nods and Sam closes his eyes in relief. He doesn’t need to explain anything any further.

Sam’s hands feel cold when Bucky gets up, but he tells himself to wait, knowing he’ll be warm again soon. Bucky settles next to him, wraps his arms around Sam’s body, and Sam can’t withhold a sigh. It might not be good for him in the long run, but it feels good now.

Outside, the snow’s getting heavier, cars slowing down and pedestrians walking faster, in a hurry to get home.

It’s not quite right: Sam can feel Bucky’s tears sliding down in his hair, and his own hands are shaking. The diner light is flickering above them, _Landslide_ playing in the background and not helping his mood at all.

But Bucky smells good, feels perfect around him. This is the best thing that’s happened to Sam in weeks, though he knows it can’t last, like a single candle in a pitch-dark room. The wax is melting, and before long, the light’s gonna go out. But its warmth, light and comfort are good enough. Welcome, even.

For now. 

  


**Author's Note:**

> And I've been afraid of chaaaaaanging, 'cause I built myyyyy liiiiife around you
> 
> Anyways, hope you liked it, feel free to comment!
> 
> Title from the iconic Landslide by Fleetwood Mac (/the Dixie Chicks).


End file.
